


Survival Song

by Netocert



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gordon Freeman Has Anxiety, Gordon Freeman has Self-Worth Issues, Hard of Hearing Gordon Freeman, Insecure Barney Calhoun, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Reunions, Selectively Mute Gordon Freeman, Stimming, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netocert/pseuds/Netocert
Summary: Gordon wakes up on a train 18 years later. Gordon doesn't know where he is. Gordon is scared.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 114





	Survival Song

**Author's Note:**

> Gordon speaks using ASL. His dialogue is in quotation marks, as I've seen deaf people prefer sign to be written this way. His thoughts are in italics. Let me know if I made a mistake regarding anything, and I hope you enjoy!  
> -  
> -  
> -  
> Title is from Survival Song by AJJ

Gordon’s hand flitted nervously at his sides. Everything was so... new. New in a bad way. New in a ‘I want to curl into a ball and cry but I don’t even have the energy for that’ way. He numbly stepped off the train, trying not to trip as he acclimated to his new surroundings.

A loud voice crackled over an intercom, shaking Gordon from his haze as he turned his hearing aid down in annoyance. Looking up to the giant screen, he saw a face he found somewhat familiar. Dr.... Breen? Well, it looked like Breen, if he was about 20 years older. He still had his smug smile that made Gordon’s blood boil. 

Apparently he was in ‘City 17’, and things didn’t look too good. He chuckled humorlessly. Not good was an understatement. If the jumpsuit clad citizens being herded by knock off storm troopers was the introduction, he wasn’t looking forward to whatever lay ahead. 

He cautiously toed forward, head swimming with thoughts.

_Where the hell am I? This isn’t Black Mesa, and it certainly isn’t Xen. Did I fail? I thought I beat- whatever that thing was. The man on the train said it was over. Did I do all of that just to die in some alleyway? What about my friends, what about - ___

____

____

_Barney ___

____

____

Gordon stood silently, willing himself not to tear up. Last time he’d seen his boyfriend, he was trying to get into some door by the trolley way. Who would have thought their last moment together would have been a simple wave, passing by on a train. Not Gordon.

He couldn’t cry, he couldn’t break down. Just because there were other people around didn’t mean he was safe. Calm down, and survive. It got you this far. He inhaled a shaky breath, and raised his head.

Wandering aimlessly, he tried to guess where to go. He knew he must look lost, but the last thing he wanted was to be noticed by one of the guards. 

But just his luck, that’s exactly what happened. A door to the right of him burst open suddenly, and adrenaline courses through him. 

_Fuck. _He realized. _I don’t have my crowbar. _In that moment, he noticed he was also out of his HEV suit- a relief in any other situation. _And I’m defenseless._____

_____ _

_____ _

“YOU. CITIZEN. COME WITH ME.” A garbled voice filtered from within the mask, sending a chill down his spine. Sensing all the eyes on him, Gordon certainly wasn’t going to argue. 

The guard led him down a sickly yellow hallway, and Gordon’s mind began to race. Scanning his surroundings, he searched for anything he could use as a weapon. This wouldn’t be the first time I’d killed a person, he thought with a cringe. But pushed it aside, trying to focus on survival.

He passed in front of a door with an open slot. A desperate man sat at a table, eyes red from obvious tears. “This must be a mistake! I got a standard relocation coupon just like everybody else!” Gordon flinched as a guard appeared from beyond the slot's visibility, and closed it violently. 

He shuddered, not wanting to imagine what was happening beyond that door, and caught up with his captor. They banged on the door, the slot shooting open then close again. The door opened, and Gordon was led inside.

The first thing that caught his attention was what appeared to be a dentist chair with a single light hanging above it, puddles of blood splattered below. Gordon's stomach flipped, but he pushed down his nausea. The second thing he noticed was a bucket, seemingly empty. The third was a different static voice behind him.

“Need any help with this one?”

“Nah, I’m good,” they said, ushering the new guard out. “Back up!”

Gordon pressed himself to the wall as they walked towards the odd console full of blinking lights and fuzzy screens. His eyes flicked down to the bucket while their back was turned.

_Maybe I can hit them over the head? No, it’s too light, wouldn't do any damage even without the helmet. It looks big enough to slip over their head. Maybe while they’re stunned I can see if there are any tools in those cabinets ne- ___

____

____

His thoughts were cut off as they spoke again. “Yea, I’m gonna need me some privacy for this,” Gordon could barely make out the words as their accent struggled through the voice filter. “Now-“ they slipped off their mask. “About that beer I owed ya.” 

Gordon froze, heart beating out of his chest. It couldn’t be.

“It’s me Gordon-“

_Barney ___

____

____

He felt his body move on its own, clearing the distance in a mere second until their bodies collided. Gordon never felt such a rush of emotion before, desperately clinging to Barney as he dug his face into his neck. Barney wasted no time reciprocating, holding him harder than he had in his whole life.

Barney’s voice was thick as he felt his neck grow wet with Gordon’s tears. He always was a silent crier. “Hell Gordon, I- I thought I was never gonna see you again.”

Gordon ran his fingers through Barney’s thick hair as his other hand came to rest on his lower back. He pulled from his neck to look at him, making eye contact. His broken expression spoke for him.

_Where were you? ___

____

____

“It’s been 18 years since Black Mesa…” Barney ran his thumb under Gordon’s eye to wipe away his tears. “I was strugglin’ to get out, same as you. I saw you dragged off by them military men and I thought-'' he choked.

Gordon cradled Barney’s head in his chest and the other man began to cry in earnest. He planted small kisses to the top of his head, and rubbed his back. 

Reluctantly, Gordon pulled away to speak. “I’m so happy I found you. I missed you…” he rested a hand on his cheek, feeling the scar that Barney had apparently gained since his absence. So much had happened, and he wasn’t there for it. It made his chest hurt.

Barney shrinked away a little, turning his gaze downwards. “What’s wrong?” Gordon asked, afraid he had hurt him. Barney rubbed his face, with a look of shame. “Barn?”

“It’s just- it’s been so long Gordon…” Gordon froze. Oh. It had been long. 18 years. 18 years Barney had lived without him. Met new people. Met new family.

“Barney, I’m sorry.” He signed downcast. 

Barney startled. “Huh- What for?” He grabbed Gordon’s shoulders with concern.

“I should’ve realized you moved on. I mean, 18 years… I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” 

“No!” Gordon jumped, surprised at the outburst. “I thought you wouldn't want me!” Barney looked at his shoes, afraid to look him in the face. “Ah, hell Gordon. Why would you want me? I’m old and fat and grey” Barney chokes out.

“Yes,” Gordon signed curtly. “And you’re beautiful, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. You’re you Barney, and I love you”

Barney’s eyes grew dewy “Gordy...”

Gordon brought his lips to Barney’s, and had the most meaningful kiss of his life. More than the nervous shotgun of weed in Gordon’s dorm, the first time their lips had touched. More than the movie night where Gordon found Barney’s stack of books on ASL, the first time Gordon realized no one else had ever tried to know him like Barney did. More than the night where they laid on top of the roof of Black Mesa and watched the stars unfettered by outside light, the first time Barney had said I love you.

This was a kiss, the first one in 18 years, where Gordon and Barney both knew they would never leave eachother again.

Gordon felt Barney giggle against his lips. Wanting to hear that laugh again, he started peppering his face with kisses, until his giggle became a full on laugh. 

“I’m sorry Doc, it’s just,” he wiped tears away. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy in my life.”

Gordon rested his forehead against Barney’s. “Me too.”

Barney kissed him again before pulling away to both of their disappointment, but still kept a smile on his face. “C’mon Gordy, Kleiner is waiting for me.”

He couldn’t help but snort at the shock on Gordon’s face. “Kleiner?!”

Barney brought the control panel to life before grabbing his hand, smiling at him with anticipation. A familiar warbling voice rang out. 

“Yes Barney, what is it? I’m in the middle of a critical test!”

“Sorry doc but, you’re not gonna believe this. Look who’s here!” He stepped back, allowing Gordon in frame.

Kleiner’s jaw dropped. “Great Scott, Gordon Freeman!” Gordon waved awkwardly. “I expected more warning.”

Gordon felt the hand around his squeeze and Barney barked out a short laugh. “Yea, you and me both doc. He was about to board the express to Nova Prospekt!”

Gordon didn’t know what ‘Nova Prospekt’ was, but if the thinly veiled panic in Barney’s eyes was anything to go by, it wasn’t good.

“Well Barney, what do you intend?”

“I’m thinkin’, I’m thinkin’!” Barney rubbed the back of his head with his free hand, obviously in concentration. 

“Alyx is around here, er, somewhere. She would have a better idea on how to get him here.” Kleiner offered.

“Well, as long as he stays away from checkpoints, he should be okay.” Barney looked up at him. Gordon didn’t know what the hell any of this meant, but Barney looked sure of him. He nodded. “Listen- I gotta go doc. We’re taking enough chances as it is.”

“Very well. And er, Gordon,” Gordon looked up. Kleiner had a gentle smile on his old face. “Good to see you.” His image blipped off the screen. 

Barney turned to face him, and took his hands, a steeled look of determination on his face. “Okay Gordon, you’re gonna have to make your own way to Kleiner’s lab.” Before Gordon could ask why, there was a pounding on the door.

Barney’s shoulders raised. “Aww man! That’s what I was afraid of.” He dashed to the door on the other side of the room, inputting a code. “Get in here Gordon, before we blow my cover!” 

Gordon ran into the storage room, Barney leaning in the doorway. “Pile up some stuff to get through that window, and keep goin’ till you’re in the plaza. I’ll meet up with you there.”

He turned to leave before Gordon grabbed his hand. “Gordo-“

Gordon kissed him deeply, cupping his face in his hands, before pulling away to look at him. A blush covered Barney’s face before he smiled. “I’ll meet up with ya later.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Now get goin’ you maniac!” He teased, shutting the door.

Gordon smirked, scaling the rickety ladder to the window, getting ready to do what he does best.

Survive.


End file.
